Focusing on the Good Times
Pandemic or not, she is growing
The wisteria trellis in Sylvan Park in Mountain View is beautiful in March. The park is just a block away from our home. We held our daughter’s birthday parties under the wisteria for the last three years. Today, I took her to the park with her brand new bike: Her gift from us on her fifth birthday. Woom 3 is a well-made children’s bike with a light frame. The pedals can be detached easily. We let her glide without the pedals for a while, but she begged me to put the pedals back on the second day. She mastered the cycling technique on the third day to my surprise. She is now loving the touch of the wind on her cheeks as she pedals harder.
She rode along the quarter-mile track in the park and arrived at the trellis. I looked up at the light purple flowers hanging from the vines and felt blue for a moment, thinking how would the day have been if we had held her birthday party just as usual. Last year, we invited a fairy who performed a comical magic show for her. This year, she wanted to invite a mermaid and a mermaid had agreed to join us to celebrate her special day…
People were enjoying the mild weather in the park just before the forecasted afternoon rain. Some old couple walked towards us. They would steer themselves off the track as they get close. They would walk on the grass until they pass us and go back to the track. Some give a gentle smile as if to compensate for such an awkward passing protocol that we are faithfully following in this neighborhood in the last couple of weeks.
I thought it would be much more difficult to tell her that we needed to postpone her birthday party until god-knows-when. But somehow the five-year-old started to tell her parents that we should not hold a big gathering so we avoid causing people to get sick. It was an unexpected relief for us that she understood so well. She is no longer a baby as she was just yesterday?
Remote. Distance. Digital…I’ve been doing that already
A week has passed since her preschool closed. She is staying at home with us and her baby brother. I’d wake up before the sunrise so I get some work done in the darkroom before I start hearing the cackles of the two angels in their shared bedroom. I change the diaper of the little devil while chasing the bigger one so she changes her clothes and brushes her teeth before I lose my patience. I watch them eat slowly and wonder how long the milk will last at this pace. Should we have squeezed another gallon pack in the fridge so we could stay away from strangers for another week?
At 10 o’clock, our daughter sees her preschool friends and the teachers in the video conference. I set up a webcam in the living room and cast the computer screen to our wall-mounted TV so she would not have to stare at a small screen. It’s working out well. She sings along with her friends and follows the direction of the teacher for a paper crafting project. Because we all live so far away from the rest of the family, she is so used to meet her family on the video chat. The meaning of meeting people in her mind is very different from what I was accustomed to when I was five. It’s a little scary when I think about it.
Remote. Distance. Digital…I just saw my duplex neighbor who works at Google in our shared garage while I was doing laundry. He told me that it must have been just another day for me to work from home. Sure it is. It’s been three years since I started my little company, mostly working by myself.
Even when I had two part-time employees, I did not have an office. We worked remotely although we were all in the Bay Area. We saw each other just once or twice a week in person for lunch and discussions. I also remotely managed contractors on the East Coast and in India.
When we focus on the output, not the gesture of the work, being remote could mean increased productivity. Some worry about not having a clear separation of life and work at home. But to me, doing laundry or going to the grocery in the early afternoon is a nice break from two straight hours of intensive coding. When the contract and the expectation are managed well, being remote is nothing but bliss.
Now I also get to see kids running around at home 24/7. Sure it is a distraction. My wife watches them in the morning and I do so in the afternoon so we each have time to work. My wife works after we put the kids to bed. I always have trouble sleeping if I start working after dinner, so I’d rather wake up before sunrise to get more time to focus. It is a challenge and things may be moving much slower than usual.
But the business is slow anyways. Luckily, we have enough savings to survive for a while even if we would have no income. I am hearing lay-offs are coming even in Silicon Valley. To them, either unemployed or employed. To me, the state is more like a continuous variable between zero work and too much work for one person (then I sub-contract). I’m also more used to income uncertainty than full-time employees after going through the three years of ups and downs. I survived and thrived.
It is an opportunity to take care of life when the business is slow. I never felt so satisfied for a long time when I taught my daughter how to ride a bike on a Tuesday afternoon instead of staring at the computer screen. We have done family yoga and laughed hard at our one-year-old doing a cute downward-facing dog. My daughter and I started to watch music videos and I showed her a lot of Billy Joel songs. She laughs every time when he sings “microphone smells like a beer” in the Piano Man. She said she wants to be able to play the piano and sing like him. Yes, I would love it if she learns and her mother can help a little with the piano. I am discovering more about two of my precious kids with my wife. No matter where we live, we are in this global situation together. But because of that, I started to talk more on the video chat with my friends and family.
Max out the good times with the people you love
More than ever, I’m reminding myself to see “the silver lining” and “focus on the good times”. Of course, the latter came from The Sopranos. In the finale of Season 3, Meadow Sopranos and her mother Carmela were on their way back from the funeral of Jackie Aprile to whom Meadow was very close:
Carmela: You okay?
Meadow: Yeah.
Carmela: You had a few drinks over there. We all could use it.
Meadow: I was thinking before, about what you once said. How you have to max out the good times with the people you love. God, am I learning that that like is so true.
Carmela: Actually your father said that.
The conversation gets a little ugly after that between the daughter and the mother. But if there are any words the children of this dysfunctional family inherited from their parents, maxing out the good times with the people you love and focus on that memory in face of the difficult time in life are something we all can remember from this drama. In the final scene of the series, the family was getting together in a diner. Tony and Carmela wait for their children.
Anthony ‘A.J.’ Soprano, Jr.: [Enters the restaurant and sits down] Mmm…onion rings.
Tony Soprano: Best in the state as far as I’m concerned.
[Meadow parking her car outside]
Carmela Soprano: How was work today?
A.J.: All I’m doing is getting coffee and placing endless phone calls.
Carmela: You may not realize it but you are making contacts.
Tony Soprano: It’s an entry-level job. So buck up.
A.J.: Right, focus on the good times.
Tony Soprano: Don’t be sarcastic.
A.J.: Isn’t that what you said one time? Try to remember the times that were good?
Tony Soprano: I did?
A.J.: Yeah.
Tony Soprano: Well, it’s true, I guess.
It’s going to be different. It may be a while before my daughter can hold the belated birthday and finally meet the mermaid and her school friends in person. The business may become slow for a prolonged time and we may have to draw our saving down in the worst case. It is stressful for everyone and some are facing much more serious situations than us. Because of that, we keep on maxing out the moment with the loved ones today so we have more good times to remember at the end of our lives. This is the attitude I will show to our young children in the year 2020.
